There has been a complete erosion of our foreign policy credibility over the last several administrations. We’ve gone from morning wood glory to limp Commanders In Chief. We’ve gone from bombing hospitals in war torn countries to grabbing them by the pussy. I assure you that there will be no pussy grabbing in a Ness White House. Our enemies will learn to take a dick in the ass like real men.
See the guy in the middle? That’s Russia. Now, Donald Trump thinks that Russians hacking into our government databases is no big deal. Some 400 pound man did it. In a Ness administration, sure, you can hack us, but then you’re getting fucked in the ass. There will be no Geneva convention bullshit. I will bring an army to your front door, and you will be fucked in the ass by every one of my boys.
Some may say “But Holden, that’s torture and inhumane…” But I say until Putin has actually taken a dick in the ass, he will never curb his douchebaggery. America must fuck Putin in the ass, or we will never be looked at the same way again. Maybe not even after fucking Putin in the ass, but at least the rest of the world will know that we’ll fuck them in the ass, too.
You want proof it works? Even the most adament politician clinches their assholes at the mere thought of being fucked in the ass.
Is it just me, or does the guy on the far right just grabbing his own dick look Russian? I suppose that will be our spy that we use to ascertain the best places to catch you off guard for ass fucking. Hey, why not?
What about Guantanamo Bay? More like Guantanamo Dicks In The Ass Bay. We will completely revolutionize intelligence gathering in the world. Each and every prisoner will be fucked in the ass until they tell us what they know. And to ensure that they provide us with accurate information, we will continue fucking them in the ass until we can ascertain whether the intel was valid. You want 72 virgins? How about 72 dicks in the ass? Or 72 x 72. However many until we get the truth.
Now, there will be civil rights outcries: that’s rape, they will say. We can’t just go around fucking people in the ass. I say that we can, and we should! It is such a huge deterrent for our world leaders to get fucked in the ass, we will once again be in control and be able to form needed alliances to tackle important issues such as the Middle East and climate change. Because if they don’t align with us, they will get fucked in the ass.
Can anyone who ever ran for office in the United States of America claim to have a better way to assert power than going around and fucking world leaders in the ass? I think not.
The only people who won’t get fucked in the ass? The American people. I will personally fuck every single world leader in the ass if I can keep you safe. Place your trust in a bold new vision for America, and know that we will be on top!
Vote Holden P. Ness for Cummander In Chief