Last night I underwent a sleep study. I have been told that my snoring could be heard from the highest mountaintops and the deepest canyons. In a more scary note, I’ve also been told that I stop breathing in the middle of the night.
My friend, who wants to be known as “Holden P. Ness”, also had to go through this study a few years ago. He explained the general idea as far as what goes down. One thing he did not explain to me is the twenty pounds of wires they attach to you while you sleep.
I don’t know if any of you have been abducted by alien lifeforms and subsequently anally probed. But minus the prostate stimulation, that’s kind of what this experience felt like. I tried to sleep in any position but could never fall asleep because of how uncomfortable I was. One of the diodes attached to my leg kept ripping at my leg hair. I guess it finally fell off during the night.
Many of these wires were attached to my face and head, then tied to the back of my neck in some fashion. This made it nearly impossible to effectively use the pillows provided. Believe me, I tried.
What made this whole experience worse was the fact I took my Trazodone early, specifically thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. The guy kept me awake to put on the wires while explaining to me everything there was to know about sleep disorders. Barely conscious at the time, I wondered if this was like their version of a bedtime story: bore the patient into slumber. So I fight all of this long enough to get to bed. By the time it was done, the pill’s immediate effects had worn off.
Off of this to say that I’m really not feeling well today. My whole digestive system has been in an uproar. My cousin called me a bumbling fool.
I’m so fucking tired.